Life is short.
I've known this for a while now, it was just reaffirmed today, in the saddest of ways.
Just when you think you're going through a tough time, things happen to underline that everything you're doing is neither important, nor particularly tough.
I feel... Disheartened. I think the last paragraph highlights this, but all of a sudden the last 36 days feel like a waste of time.
I've never been one to turn a cold shoulder to the offer of anything. Be it a decade ago when I was in the midst of an epic drugs binge and just didn't take Zammo's advice on board, or throughout the last decade when spontaneity was my middle name, or in the more recent times, when the offer of some night time company was to good to refuse, even if it was Courtney Love offering it* I've never bothered saying no before, there's too much fun to be had, and not enough time to have all of it.
"Life's too short" "I'll sleep when I'm dead" and other such pointless remarks would come streaming out to explain why I'd be on my 12th pint, stuffing a handful of microdots in the chatterbox, whilst marching two girls towards an evening of disappointment. On a Tuesday afternoon.
So why am I doing this now? Why put myself through the best (or worst) part of 6 weeks of saying no? I'm at my wits end, and seriously; if I had the same pals now as I did back then, they wouldn't know who I was.
I am glad for things though. I'm glad the sun's still shining, I'm glad this pint is over 6% ABV, I'm glad it's my third of the evening so far, and I'm glad that one more weekend and this whole thing will be done with for good.
Updates on the 40 days? There are none, other than the fact it's boring. It's still the only subject of conversation at work, and the skirts are getting shorter, but now I feel like I'm offending people by not showing a reaction. My sex drive just seems to be feet under snow. I'm in agreement and disagreement with the one other person I've met that's done this - yes, the last few days are easy. Yes, I do feel better for it. But confident? Ready for day 41? Ready to get back into the swing of London's summer? Absolutely not.
I'm just ready for another pint.
*disclaimer: (for both parties) I have never had sex with Courtney Love, I just would have said yes to the old bitch a few years ago.
