I've drifted drastically in the past few days, and seriously considered giving up. Not the 40 days, just the blog. No man in their right mind would give up 35 days into 40, not after what I've been through anyway.
Tyler was right though, it's become a second nature. It's easy, there's nothing nor no one that can stop me making Monday in one piece (and yes, I'm over the moon and more to be able to refer to day 40 as Monday, it feels like a long time coming)
I think it's fair to say the last 34 days have been spent dreaming of a better tomorrow. A day when a chicken can cross the road without having his motives questioned, and a day when I can wake up next to a girl knowing she's not disappointed. (True, I may spend the rest of my life dreaming of the day a girl wakes up next to me and isn't disappointed, but one can still dream.) I've now, as of today, given up dreaming of tomorrow and instead am just going to be happy with now. I'll pat myself on the back and probably never mention this saga again, unless I stumble across the film itself on Film4 in the future.
It's the end of day 35. I've just returned from a haircut, my first since day 11, and Simon is in equal awe of the achievements as I am. I spent the hour supping cold beers and discussing the past five weeks (five whole weeks!) whilst he dealt with my uncontrollable mane, trying to work out why I ever started in the first place. Sure this thing's got an upside, but a lot has suffered due to it as well.
August was a woeful month at work, but you can fuck off if you think I'll be using this distraction as any sort of excuse. My temper is frayed, and I've now developed a twitch in my right eye as well.... The old 'knee bone's connected to the hip bone' song didn't inform me that the testicles are connected to the eyelids, but mine are fluttering around like Harry Redknapp's on speed. I've lost any sort of patience I once had, my relationships with people have been affected and I still can't sleep until about 3am (I ran out of mogodon nitrazepam by day 12)
On the plus side, and in true 40 days style, I think I actually might like someone. I'm inevitably going to ruin things before they get started, but surely if she can deal with me now (and she's aware of the task in hand) she can deal with me whenever. It's also put an unusual spin on what would normally happen at this point of the 'relationship.'
My eyes have been opened, and although it's enormously hard work, lying side by side and chatting about the world is actually a really wonderful thing.
I'm looking forward to Monday, I'm looking forward to Tuesday as well, but at the moment (character flaws aside) I'm quietly content.
