I’m getting slack, I’m a day behind. I should be screaming from the rooftops that I’m now officially counting down. I’m past the halfway mark. I’m 20 days past where all my pals thought I would get to – HA. Ye of little faith, I laugh at you.
Little happened of any interest on day 21. It was the first day back at work after that smashing weekend at Vintage at Goodwood festival. I’m still having a tough time getting over how wonderful it all was, and it’s really kicking on at an incredible speed.
The plaudits received, the feedback and reviews, everything has been incredible. Norman Jay (the man with letters after his name for being such an amazing DJ) tweeted: “just returned from far and away THE best festival experience of the year so far. For me personally, Vintage @ Goodwood had it all” – you’ve hit the nail on the head there Norm.
Getting up for work was a real struggle (and not for the reasons your thinking of.) I think over the weekend I set my body clock to Sydney time, and as such even after little/no sleep for 4 nights I couldn’t quite get my head down on Tuesday, meaning getting my head back up again on Wednesday was a test.
I battled through, managed to get to work on time, and after cleaning up the missed work, spent the majority of the day reading reviews and looking at pictures of the weekend, screaming at BT for the best part of 4 hours, and then doing a little research into sex and why it’s good for your health… I could be in trouble.
According to medical reports by Dr M Douglas*, the following is true;
1)Our emotional balance is clearly influenced by sex. Abstinence is known to cause anxiety, paranoia, and depression…. Might explain why ‘Abbey’ from BT didn’t sleep well last night after being told she will be “smothered in her sleep, if she doesn’t sort this fucking problem out immediately”… at least I have an excuse.
2)Sex works as a beauty treatment…. I have aged considerably in the past 3 weeks, I thought it was the Festivals.
3)Sex will make you lose weight... Excellent, so now I’m going mad, ugly, and fat. The perks really aren’t in my favour at the moment.
4)The more active your sex life, the more attractive you are to the opposite sex…. You don’t fucking say! I’m going mad, ugly, and fat.
5)Sex is a pain reliever…. So is Valium, no problems there.
6)Sex increases sleep quality. So does Valium.
7)Sex is good for the heart, and blood circulation especially to the brain…. I knew this already, 75% of my body is going without blood at the moment, mostly due to my film collection.
8)Sexual activity lowers the risk of getting colds and the flu…. Super.
9)Sex leads to better control of the bladder…. This isn’t getting any better.
10)Sex increases the human lifespan.
So in summary, without sex in my life I’m going to get fatter, uglier, paranoid, anxious, depressed, feel more pain, sleep less, get the flu, piss myself, and then die early…. Oh, and become LESS attractive to the opposite sex… Seriously…. Less attractive to the opposite sex. Did they really need to add this point?
I’ve got a lot of making up to do in 19 days time, purely for medical reasons of course.
*NOTE: Michael Douglas isn’t really a Doctor. He does like sex though.
