I’ve told you what hangovers do to me already. Just imagine being at an 80’s Warehouse rave for 3 nights on the trot, the hangover (and subsequent ill-feeling I have towards my reproductive parts) was starting to kill me.
I knew I wouldn’t get round to writing anything about day 20 (DAY TWENTY!!) on the actual day itself. When I crawled off to bed early doors on Monday evening I knew that my hands the following day would barely be able to hold an i-Pad, let alone type on one (I have trouble with that sober, let alone after what we went through this weekend)
I probably could have written a ‘live’ update of what was occurring on day 20 (DAY TWENTY!!) if I really put my mind to it, but I just didn’t want to think about what was happening. I wanted to lay on the sofa all day watching films.
Lying on the sofa all day watching films turned out to be a harder task than it should have been….. I trawled my fingers over the spine of my 1000 strong DVD collection carefully trying to pick something that wouldn’t turn my already fuzzy attention span towards the one thing I really didn’t want to think about.
“The Mask” – that won’t do. Cameron Diaz looks unbelievable. The moment I first fell in love with her was that scene where she walks into the bank in that red dress. Absolutely not watching The Mask.
It’s a bad state of affairs when I can’t bring myself to watch a PG, so I decide to plump for something that’s on the other end of the scale – something about murder, death, blood, anything horrible (forgetting this whole thing started after having to find a film to put my mind at rest after ‘I Spit on Your Grave’)
“Summer of Sam” is a most excellent film, it’s about a homicidal maniac who get’s told to kill people by a possessed dog – definitely not ‘my kind of thing.’
It turns out there’s LOADS of sex in “Summer of Sam.” Mira Sorvino’s beauty is almost indescribable (how did I forget about this!) and John Leguizamo works his way through a bevy of beauties as I worked my way further and further behind a pillow – not because of the killings.
I made my way through it though, dick intact.
Next up; “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind.” A film about an undercover agent trotting around the world as a Game show host executing Russian’s. Easy. Both Sam Rockwell and George Clooney are handsome fella’s, but I’m not into that sort of thing either.
I am however into all the sex that’s in that fucking film – seriously, Hollywood really needs to chill out on all the sex. Julia Roberts, Drew Barrymore (the only one missing from Day 15) and Maggie Gyllenhaal would drive most men to insanity, they drove me to the garden for a game (or twenty) of darts against myself. I’m getting pretty good at darts, keeps the old mits busy.
Back inside for a spot of “Swingers” – a comedy about a bunch of friends that go out chatting up girls, and swing dancing. Oh how I miss it, (the girls bit, not so much the swing dancing – although I might take that up if the next few days don’t go better)
So, I’m about to give up. I would have reached for “Transformers,” which is utterly shite, but Megan Fox is in that. “Shrek” – Cameron Diaz’s voice would have done me a mischief at this point. “A Shark’s Tale” – Angelina Jolie (even animated, and as a fish, she’s hot) “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” – don’t be fucking daft, Jessica Rabbit’s the ultimate woman. I could not find a thing.
I then stumbled across “Broken Flowers”– a massive risk, I’d never seen this before. I was ready to kill someone at this point though, and I was pacing around the house so much I’d worn through my slippers, and the soles of my feet were next.
Turns out it was an excellent choice. It’s Bill Murray’s finest performance since “Space Jam” (how on earth did he not get an Oscar for “Space Jam”?) and he plays a chap revisiting his youth after being told he’s a dad in an anonymous letter from a lover – 20 years ago. I don’t want to be that man 20 years from now, nor ever.
Turns out this is a good idea after all.
