So yesterday really was as boring as I made it sound.
Yet it picked up, after a day of nothingness I got home and decided to continue the hours of boringness through the weekend by donning my favourite slippers, stocking up with wine, and tackling my ever expanding DVD collection.
I settled down to 'Casshern' it's simply the most beautiful film I've ever seen, I just didn't understand a single thing that happened.
During the film I sunk enough wine to start mulling over how boring my day had been and how I could possibly make it more entertaining for myself. (the film was as long as it was beautiful... When I say 'enough' wine, I mean fucking loads.) So in order to put the spark back in my Friday I decided a task was in order... It was day 23, and remembering Tyler's advice that between days 21-30 things got easy, I got confident, just drunk confident.
I sellotaped a bag of frozen peas to the inside of my y-fronts and settled down (with another bottle of wine) to watch "Monsters ball".... Let's face it, if Bill Murray had a scene like that one in "Space Jam" he might have got that so richly deserved Oscar.
I breezed through it. Possibly because I could only see out of one eye at this point.
I decided to up the stakes, and plumped for "9 Songs".... This was less easy, and the peas were starting to defrost, I've never seen the whole film before though, and thought it was actually really good.
I still had quite a bit of wine left though, so grabbed a bag of mixed veg from the bottom of the freezer, readjusted myself, and stuck on "Shortbus" the most sexually explicit film ever to be released.... According to the New York Times that is.
They aren't wrong, and baring in mind the most dangerous thing I'd done before this was running with scissors, or going for a swim immediately after a meal, I was over the moon to get through the film (which despite all the pornography is excellent) and then hit the hay.
Sadly, today hasn't started where yesterday finished. Not much has happened again. I've watched Jeff Stelling and the crew for the best part of 4 hours which has obviously kept my mind occupied. There's not a Geordie lass with 23 Bacardi Breezers and half a pint of Mad Dog 2020 inside her that would find Matt Le Tissier attractive, let alone a 27 year old straight male, regardless of what he's doing to himself.
So that's it, I'm going to settle down with a glass of whatever wine's left and watch X-factor.... Seriously it's a Saturday night, I live in the best city in the world, and I'm TWENTY SEVEN.
I wonder which contestant will look like me this year?
